The Truth 2/9
Mar. 2nd, 2011 08:30 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
damigellaTitle: The Truth 2/9
Author: damigella
Spoilers: Fic starts at the end of S7E8 then goes AU
Warning: Slash, eventually. Adult themes.
Rating: NC-17 (M)
Word count: 1600 approx.
Disclaimer: don't own anything, except my hope.
Summary: Second person, Wilson's POV.
Author's note: This started appearing as non beta'ed on fanfiction. Any merit you find in this is due to my totally awesome beta reader![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
yarroway . It is now complete.
Back to Chapter 1
"Hi! Glad to see you're finally back. What brings you to Princeton?"
"I just was sick last Friday, House. One day."
"Sick as in what? Gastrointestinal virus? Severe hangover? STD testing? I knew you wouldn't be able to keep your New Year's resolutions. At least I hope you're not contagious, for the sake of all the bald children you're treating."
"Sick as in none of your business, House. And no, I'm not contagious. At least that's my psychologist's take on it."
You leave, surprised that House doesn't have a mocking answer ready. Maybe he's concerned for you. The idea is ludicrous and you forget it.
******
"Fitting three sessions per week required major rescheduling. My secretary's gonna hate me."
"I really think it's necessary, James. It seems you've opened a big can of worms."
"Is bisexuality such a big problem?" Your voice sounds more worried than you like. It almost doesn't sound at all, actually, when the big "b" word comes up.
"No, not really. The problem is whatever it is that keeps you from noticing that you love somebody. Whom you see at work every day for more than a decade."
"I don't love House! I just am a friend of his. I just, uh, like to look at his hands. You know, he has these really beautiful fingers. Long and thin and strong. The right palm is all callous from the cane, but the skin on the upper side of the fingers looks silky. It's covered by tiny blond hair. And his fingernail shape's so beautiful. You should see him when he plays the piano. When we were living together, he used to play for me occasionally. Said it was like giving Martinis to a pig as I couldn't really appreciate properly but he did it anyway."
Lassiter hands you the big box of tissues, and waits patiently until you collect yourself.
"What would you like to do if you could touch House's hands?"
"I don't know. Maybe I could just have one hand to hold between mine. I could turn it palm out and follow all the folds with my fingers. And then... well then I would like to kiss the line where the fingers connect to the hand. And hope to feel him shiver."
"Why are you crying again?"
"This is just so sick. I'm ashamed of myself."
"Ok James, let's go through this again. What is shameful in desiring physical contact with a person you care for?"
"He's my friend and he's a man. He would punch my face in if he knew what I feel."
"Not a very friendly thing to do. If a man made a pass at you would you punch him?"
"No, of course not. It used to happen when I was a college student. I politely refused but I never hit anyone."
"So why would House treat you worse than you treated strangers?"
"I don't know. Maybe he would just tease me."
"Did you tease men making passes at you?"
"No, of course not. They were mistaken, but they just wanted mutual pleasure. Why should I be offended or angry?"
"Why indeed. So you're totally sure that there's nothing wrong in a man holding hands with another one? Kissing?"
"Well, it's ok if they're gay. But I'm not gay. I've had three wives. "
"Which brings us back to step one. Why does bisexuality frighten you so much?"
"I... I just don't want to be bisexual! As a senior in college, my next door neighbor was gay. He explained to me that 'bi' just means closeted. And the reason I hooked up with my second wife at all was precisely as a rebound relationship because her previous boyfriend had left her for another man. It destroyed her. She was 23 and felt like a total failure."
"And it would have been better if he had dumped her for a woman? Were your wives minding your infidelities less because they were with women?"
You don't know what to say. You stay silent.
******
"Welcome back James. Today I want you to remember when you first started feeling you may not be straight. As a teenager or so."
"I didn't! I was completely straight! I was masturbating to my older brother's Playboy before my bar mitzvah!"
"Nobody every suggested you may be gay?"
"You mean, like kids at school?" You so don't want to think back of that time. "Well, in high school I had this friend, Peter. We both liked running more than playing hockey, so in the summer we went for long runs, and in winter we went cross country skiing together."
"Did you find him attractive?"
"No. He... mentioned that he couldn't understand how come I didn't have a girlfriend to spend time with, since I was so cute." You blush. "I just preferred spending time with him. We liked the same books and in our final year played in the school theatre production. The two main roles in The importance of being Earnest." You stop, hoping that what you said is enough. You know it isn't.
"Some schoolmates found out I kept a photo of the two of us in my wallet. They teased us. Then they ambushed me and beat me up. And then... then they let my parents know."
"What did your parents say?"
"That they had heard this most incredible story. That they knew it couldn't possibly be true, because I wasn't that kind of shit, but still I should stop seeing Peter. Stop running. Stop reading... sissy books. Start playing football and hockey."
"What was your answer?"
"I stopped seeing Peter out of school. I hid my books. I hid our photo. I went running alone, in the gym. I also trained and became more muscular. And then luckily I went off to college."
The tears are running down freely and have been for about ten minutes. It seems to happen during every therapy session recently.
***********
"So when do we go today, Dr Lassiter? Where in my past?"
"I think we're done with your past for the moment, James. I think it's time to take what we learned and use it for the present, and more importantly for the future."
"What do you mean?"
"Let me start with a simple question. If House were free and interested in you, what kind of physical contact would you want to have with him?"
The pause is longer than usual. "I don't know. I basically have only a very vague idea of what it is that two men in love do together."
"Well, a lot of it doesn't depend on the gender of the people involved. Would you like to kiss him? Hold his hand? Hug?"
Images start filling up your imagination. Dreams you had tried hard to forget. You take your face in your hands and start crying desperately. Dr Lassiter waits patiently, like the mother of a sick child. "I would want to sleep with him. As in, spend the night. Fall asleep and feel his body near mine. His breathing. His tousled hair on the pillow near mine. " You seem to be able to talk through your tears.
"I take it you never had any sex with another man? Not even another man touching you sexually or vice versa?"
"No, not at all. I got offers but I refused them all. I never even saw a movie that had gay sex in it."
"Do the possibilities of male on male sex worry you?"
"Well, there's the whole mouth-penis contact thing which is... weird."
"Is it weird when a woman does it to you?"
"No, of course not. But I'm not a woman."
"Sure, but there's no gender differences in human mouths. You're a doctor, you should know that."
"And then there's..." you pause briefly "anal sex. I never tried it with any of my girlfriends and wives, although one of them wanted me to, but I refused. I felt she was some kind of pervert."
"Ok, I'll schedule you for additional meetings with a sex therapist. Is there any religious background I should be aware of in selecting the therapist?"
"No, I've been raised Jewish but I'm an atheist." You listen to what you are saying with surprise. You suddenly remember House's mocking face when you met him while going to temple with your (third) in-laws, kippah on your head, and you realize that your heart has embraced the (non)beliefs of the man you love without you even noticing. You somehow manage to avoid crying. You wonder whether it's wise.
******
The sex therapist, Dr Arlene Grahams, is young, tall, fat and very black. She's also a lesbian, and looks like she has faced discrimination from every possible side and has always won. But not without a fight.
She starts by reassuring you; nowadays kids know much more about such issues, but for your generation it is not uncommon to stay oblivious of one's true orientation until later in life. Especially for bisexuals.
She follows with a brief course on sex expression. She patiently explains to you that not all gay men like anal sex, and not all men who like anal sex (in either sense of it) are gay. She discusses positions and techniques. She mentions gay bars and STDs, the proper way to lube and how bad crystal meth really is.
After a short pause, she even mentions that you should come back and talk to her in case you plan to have sex with a disabled person; depending on the specific disability, there are a number of efficient techniques to use. She seems unsurprised when you start crying and just hands you tissues. She asks no questions.
Chapter 3
Author: damigella
Spoilers: Fic starts at the end of S7E8 then goes AU
Warning: Slash, eventually. Adult themes.
Rating: NC-17 (M)
Word count: 1600 approx.
Disclaimer: don't own anything, except my hope.
Summary: Second person, Wilson's POV.
Author's note: This started appearing as non beta'ed on fanfiction. Any merit you find in this is due to my totally awesome beta reader
yarroway . It is now complete.Back to Chapter 1
"Hi! Glad to see you're finally back. What brings you to Princeton?"
"I just was sick last Friday, House. One day."
"Sick as in what? Gastrointestinal virus? Severe hangover? STD testing? I knew you wouldn't be able to keep your New Year's resolutions. At least I hope you're not contagious, for the sake of all the bald children you're treating."
"Sick as in none of your business, House. And no, I'm not contagious. At least that's my psychologist's take on it."
You leave, surprised that House doesn't have a mocking answer ready. Maybe he's concerned for you. The idea is ludicrous and you forget it.
******
"Fitting three sessions per week required major rescheduling. My secretary's gonna hate me."
"I really think it's necessary, James. It seems you've opened a big can of worms."
"Is bisexuality such a big problem?" Your voice sounds more worried than you like. It almost doesn't sound at all, actually, when the big "b" word comes up.
"No, not really. The problem is whatever it is that keeps you from noticing that you love somebody. Whom you see at work every day for more than a decade."
"I don't love House! I just am a friend of his. I just, uh, like to look at his hands. You know, he has these really beautiful fingers. Long and thin and strong. The right palm is all callous from the cane, but the skin on the upper side of the fingers looks silky. It's covered by tiny blond hair. And his fingernail shape's so beautiful. You should see him when he plays the piano. When we were living together, he used to play for me occasionally. Said it was like giving Martinis to a pig as I couldn't really appreciate properly but he did it anyway."
Lassiter hands you the big box of tissues, and waits patiently until you collect yourself.
"What would you like to do if you could touch House's hands?"
"I don't know. Maybe I could just have one hand to hold between mine. I could turn it palm out and follow all the folds with my fingers. And then... well then I would like to kiss the line where the fingers connect to the hand. And hope to feel him shiver."
"Why are you crying again?"
"This is just so sick. I'm ashamed of myself."
"Ok James, let's go through this again. What is shameful in desiring physical contact with a person you care for?"
"He's my friend and he's a man. He would punch my face in if he knew what I feel."
"Not a very friendly thing to do. If a man made a pass at you would you punch him?"
"No, of course not. It used to happen when I was a college student. I politely refused but I never hit anyone."
"So why would House treat you worse than you treated strangers?"
"I don't know. Maybe he would just tease me."
"Did you tease men making passes at you?"
"No, of course not. They were mistaken, but they just wanted mutual pleasure. Why should I be offended or angry?"
"Why indeed. So you're totally sure that there's nothing wrong in a man holding hands with another one? Kissing?"
"Well, it's ok if they're gay. But I'm not gay. I've had three wives. "
"Which brings us back to step one. Why does bisexuality frighten you so much?"
"I... I just don't want to be bisexual! As a senior in college, my next door neighbor was gay. He explained to me that 'bi' just means closeted. And the reason I hooked up with my second wife at all was precisely as a rebound relationship because her previous boyfriend had left her for another man. It destroyed her. She was 23 and felt like a total failure."
"And it would have been better if he had dumped her for a woman? Were your wives minding your infidelities less because they were with women?"
You don't know what to say. You stay silent.
******
"Welcome back James. Today I want you to remember when you first started feeling you may not be straight. As a teenager or so."
"I didn't! I was completely straight! I was masturbating to my older brother's Playboy before my bar mitzvah!"
"Nobody every suggested you may be gay?"
"You mean, like kids at school?" You so don't want to think back of that time. "Well, in high school I had this friend, Peter. We both liked running more than playing hockey, so in the summer we went for long runs, and in winter we went cross country skiing together."
"Did you find him attractive?"
"No. He... mentioned that he couldn't understand how come I didn't have a girlfriend to spend time with, since I was so cute." You blush. "I just preferred spending time with him. We liked the same books and in our final year played in the school theatre production. The two main roles in The importance of being Earnest." You stop, hoping that what you said is enough. You know it isn't.
"Some schoolmates found out I kept a photo of the two of us in my wallet. They teased us. Then they ambushed me and beat me up. And then... then they let my parents know."
"What did your parents say?"
"That they had heard this most incredible story. That they knew it couldn't possibly be true, because I wasn't that kind of shit, but still I should stop seeing Peter. Stop running. Stop reading... sissy books. Start playing football and hockey."
"What was your answer?"
"I stopped seeing Peter out of school. I hid my books. I hid our photo. I went running alone, in the gym. I also trained and became more muscular. And then luckily I went off to college."
The tears are running down freely and have been for about ten minutes. It seems to happen during every therapy session recently.
***********
"So when do we go today, Dr Lassiter? Where in my past?"
"I think we're done with your past for the moment, James. I think it's time to take what we learned and use it for the present, and more importantly for the future."
"What do you mean?"
"Let me start with a simple question. If House were free and interested in you, what kind of physical contact would you want to have with him?"
The pause is longer than usual. "I don't know. I basically have only a very vague idea of what it is that two men in love do together."
"Well, a lot of it doesn't depend on the gender of the people involved. Would you like to kiss him? Hold his hand? Hug?"
Images start filling up your imagination. Dreams you had tried hard to forget. You take your face in your hands and start crying desperately. Dr Lassiter waits patiently, like the mother of a sick child. "I would want to sleep with him. As in, spend the night. Fall asleep and feel his body near mine. His breathing. His tousled hair on the pillow near mine. " You seem to be able to talk through your tears.
"I take it you never had any sex with another man? Not even another man touching you sexually or vice versa?"
"No, not at all. I got offers but I refused them all. I never even saw a movie that had gay sex in it."
"Do the possibilities of male on male sex worry you?"
"Well, there's the whole mouth-penis contact thing which is... weird."
"Is it weird when a woman does it to you?"
"No, of course not. But I'm not a woman."
"Sure, but there's no gender differences in human mouths. You're a doctor, you should know that."
"And then there's..." you pause briefly "anal sex. I never tried it with any of my girlfriends and wives, although one of them wanted me to, but I refused. I felt she was some kind of pervert."
"Ok, I'll schedule you for additional meetings with a sex therapist. Is there any religious background I should be aware of in selecting the therapist?"
"No, I've been raised Jewish but I'm an atheist." You listen to what you are saying with surprise. You suddenly remember House's mocking face when you met him while going to temple with your (third) in-laws, kippah on your head, and you realize that your heart has embraced the (non)beliefs of the man you love without you even noticing. You somehow manage to avoid crying. You wonder whether it's wise.
******
The sex therapist, Dr Arlene Grahams, is young, tall, fat and very black. She's also a lesbian, and looks like she has faced discrimination from every possible side and has always won. But not without a fight.
She starts by reassuring you; nowadays kids know much more about such issues, but for your generation it is not uncommon to stay oblivious of one's true orientation until later in life. Especially for bisexuals.
She follows with a brief course on sex expression. She patiently explains to you that not all gay men like anal sex, and not all men who like anal sex (in either sense of it) are gay. She discusses positions and techniques. She mentions gay bars and STDs, the proper way to lube and how bad crystal meth really is.
After a short pause, she even mentions that you should come back and talk to her in case you plan to have sex with a disabled person; depending on the specific disability, there are a number of efficient techniques to use. She seems unsurprised when you start crying and just hands you tissues. She asks no questions.
Chapter 3
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 2011-03-02 09:18 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-03-02 09:29 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-03-02 01:21 pm (UTC)She seems unsurprised when you start crying and just hands you tissues.
I like that you aren't afraid to show why Wilson would have repressed his feelings for all those years - he is a mess!
Looking forward to the next bit.
no subject
Date: 2011-03-02 01:34 pm (UTC)I actually might want once to try and finish writing down the session when Wilson finally admits that he loves House. It really feels like torture occasionally.